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As many of you know, I recently decided to start writing a novel.  It was the final addition to my list of 30 things and I am pretty excited about it.  From the moment I hit my first keystroke on this blog, I rejuvenated a passion I always had for writing and am looking forward to this major step.  I’ve run across more blogs about writing than I can count (which is to say I’ve probably found at least 17 and I’ve never been very good with the “math” and the “counting”), and it seems that they all suggest writing exercises to keep your skills sharp.  Considering that the only skills I believe I possess are 1) the ability to memorize the words to any song after only hearing it twice and 2) the ability to complete exactly 82% of any household task; I’m not sure what a writing exercise is going to do for me.

With that being said though, I suppose I should give it a shot on the off chance that practicing might actually improve my drab storytelling.  After many painstaking minutes of pelting Google with keyword searches, I came up with a writing task that may work.  The more likely scenario however, is that this exercise will only serve to magnify the glaring holes in my “craft” and lead me to give up writing all together. 

So assuming this is my last transmission to you, I hope you’ll at least find it amusing and thought-provoking.  Ok, so let’s play a little game.  I’ve chosen an inanimate object that I am going to attempt to bring to life with my description of both its physical characteristics, as well as its possible use or purpose.  The goal here would be for you to guess the object correctly…but hopefully not too quickly.  If you’ve figured it out after the first sentence, I think we can all predict how the novel is going to turn out.  Here we go!

 

Good morning my dear.  I can’t tell you how much I enjoy these quiet moments we spend together.  On the outside, I may come off a bit cold, but you know my hard exterior is just guarding the warmth inside like a coat of armor.  You might not always see it, but I’m really just trying to protect you.  I know there have been others before me, and no doubt others to come; but I cherish the touch of your hand each and every morning as you wake up.

Ever since we met, I’ve done my best to help your day get off on the right foot.  It’s a pleasure to know I can serve as the vessel for your morning infusion of energy.  We read the paper together, watch the local news together.  You’ve even been kind enough to take me to work with you to meet your colleagues.  Being from such a large family, I’ve always felt just like all the rest, which is why it’s so nice to know that you chose me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you.  The fact is, I know I’m not perfect.  I’m getting old and I’m much bigger than those taller, skinnier ones out there.  I saw you take the sleek, shiny one in the car last week when you dropped the kids off at soccer practice.  It’s ok, I understand.  We’ve certainly had our share of good times.  Remember the all-nighter at the office during tax season?  You, me and Joe sure spent a lot of time together that night.  Anyway, I just want you to know that I’ll always be around when you need me.  In my usual spot; right above the coffee maker.

 

So that was fun, right?  Can you guess the inanimate object?  What did you think of the exercise?  Any and all comments are welcomed.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I suddenly have a craving for a cup of coffee.

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