Around this time last year, I wrote a post that really jump-started this little blog and opened the floodgates for a big 2011. The story was entitled “My Kids Are Stronger Than Me“, and it landed on Freshly Pressed for an entire weekend. There were pros and cons to my sudden fame including exposure and an increase in my fan base (pro), and the unexpected expense of requiring new hats to fit my giant cranium (con).
While the paparazzi became a hindrance to my daily life, I was generally quite pleased with my new-found fame. The fact that it took cute pictures of my children rather than perfect prose and witty repartee to increase my popularity, never really bothered me. Riding my kids’ good looks to the top was justified by the fact that, as their father, I was responsible for said good looks. In fact, when strangers see my ridiculously attractive children, they tend to say things like, “Wow, they look just like
their mother their father.” and “What gorgeous children. Are you their babysitter father?”
Anyway, if you were not around during the infant stage of this blog, consider yourself lucky. It was fussy, rarely slept at night, and puked on almost every good shirt I own. It did, however, churn out a few good posts including the aforementioned Freshly Pressed piece. The crux of that post was that when cold and flu season strikes the Chaneys, poor old Dad here goes into hibernation while Iz and The Jakester brush it off their shoulder like they’re in a Jay-Z video.
Their ability to rebound better than Wilt Chamberlain remains one of the great mysteries in life. Logic tells you that as adults, we are more suited than children to cope with illness thanks to the knowledge and experience we possess. Logic, however, is an idiot.
After a year’s worth of colds, fevers, and non-disease-sounding diseases, I am here to tell you that my kids are still stronger than me. The Chaneys passed around germs in 2011 like blunts at a Snoop Dogg concert (that’s right, the Wordslinger just used “blunts” and “Snoop Dogg” in a post), and we all had to suffer for it. While I spent several days dealing with what was surely an incurable disease (though doctors claimed it was simply a tickle in my throat), the kids once again displayed their supreme toughness by doing things like “standing” and “laughing”…showoffs!
As further evidence of their uncanny ability to “live” while being ravished by illness, take a look at the below photo. This was the Jakester ringing in the New Year with a touch of pneumonia at the hospital. Despite the eyelids that appear to weigh approximately 350lbs each, you can just make out a slight grin behind the baseball pacifier. Had this been me, I’d be far too busy getting my affairs in order to produce any facial expression other than dread and anticipation of the end.
Nothing seems to stop this boy from being his normal, head-banging, sister-chasing, mommy-loving self. How about the little red bumps all over your body, Jake? “No worries.” Temperature of 103? “That’s just my level of awesome on a scale of 1 to 100.” Pneumonia? “P-whatever.” See, nothing phases this kid!
So as the calendar starts anew with 2012, we hunker down in our humble abode and wait for the sniffles to infiltrate the front lines. Without a doubt, I will be flat on my keister before Presidents Day. In fact, I’ve had a nagging cough for a few days now…feels a little plague-ish. But don’t worry about me, my kids will surely have the strength to take care of their old man.