Several months ago, I shared with you some classic quips from my little girl in a post entitled Funny S*@# My Daughter Says. At the time, my well of blog ideas was as dry as an Evangelical Christian wedding reception and I was hoping to distract you from my obvious lack of creativity with some “how adorable is she??” moments. I was weak and it was intended as nothing more than humidifier mist and mirrors.
But a funny thing happened after I hit the publish button that day. You guys loved it! I fully expected some Randy Jackson-esque comments like “It was just aaiight, Dog.” and “Dude, that was not good for me.” Instead, the feedback was more reminiscent of a Paula love-fest.
So what did I learn from this revelation? Well first, I obviously have some unresolved American Idol issues. But more importantly, as long as Iz keeps yakkety-yakkin’ meeska-mooska deep thoughts, I’ll never run short on blog posts. So today I thought I’d regale you with the latest words of wisdom from my 3-foot-tall Aristoddler (that was supposed to be a play on Aristotle and toddler; you know cuz Aristotle was a philosopher and Izzy is a toddler. So Aristoddler. Be honest, did it work? It felt a little forced…ugh…ok, let’s move on). And now, heeeeeerre’s Izzy!
“Daddy, I go to work on Friday cuz I will be older then.” This comment was made on a Monday, so in Izzy’s estimation four days is the equivalent of approximately 15 years. Based on these calculations, I’ll be celebrating my 32,850th birthday this year. I’d love a few new pairs of socks since my dryer has been stealing them for the last 32 millenia. I asked her if she’d be willing to start on Thursday since I need to catch up on some filing. She responded by spinning around several times and passing gas like a machine gun on rapid fire. I’ll take that as a no then.
“When I say the magic words (arms waving with magic wand in hand), abra cadabra…you’re a potato!” To date, she has only succeeded in turning people into potatoes, nothing else. She tried squash, heads of lettuce, broccoli, and once, an emu (that was weird). No dice. The fact that she’s able to turn a human being into any vegetable is impressive though, since she’s a self-taught magician and until she starts working, Mommy and Daddy aren’t paying for Hogwarts!
“I love Play-Doh…it smells like fun!” I’ll tell you what, she’s not far off on this one. There is nothing quite like the smell of Play-Doh, it’s intoxicating. If you don’t have kids, you’re probably trying to think of the last time you smelled that pungent aroma. “There’s nothing special about the smell of Play-Doh.” you’re thinking to yourself. You are wrong my friend. If I gave you one of those plastic jars of colored clay right now and you took a sniff, you’d be high on fun in no time. Just be safe kids; you don’t want to end up crouched behind a dumpster in the alley, red Doh residue lining your nostrils, sniffing your fingers for one last…wait…where was I? Umm…moving on.
“Look Daddy, the ground is white (referring to a dusting of snow). Can we color it purple? That’s my best color.” The obvious answer here is “No, we can’t color the ground.” Seeing as she was asking right in the middle of an important Ravens game however, I tossed her a can of spray paint, shoved her and The Jakester out the door and shouted, “Go to town!” Don’t judge me.
Now I know the title of this post refers to the ramblings of Iz, but it seems unfair to leave Jake out of the mix. While he’s not quite at the same verbal altitude of his sister, he’s certainly climbing. Here are some recent one liners from the Jakester:
“I want some.” Cheerios, coffee, dryer sheets. It doesn’t matter, he wants it.
“Cheese!” Sometimes, he simply wants cheese. Sometimes, he wants his picture taken. It’s about 50/50 but if you use your context clues, you can usually figure it out.
“Ment! Ment!” Short for “basement”, this one-syllable command means you have approximately 3.8 seconds to get him to the steps before a meltdown ensues.
“Toots” I believe this is self-explanatory.