Despite the best efforts of my staffers here at The Wordslinger, it has come to my attention that the second installment of The Toddler Tapes has leaked like a loose-fitting diaper. Those in my inner circle have suggested I get out in front of this potential powder-keg and release the tapes myself. Seeing as I have nothing to hide, that is exactly what I am doing.
Before we get to the good stuff, I thought I’d distract you first with a little game. As promised, I’ve set up a baby pool for all you gambling addicts out there, desperate for some action now that March Madness has ended. Here’s the link; I hope to see you all sign up and provide your best guess on the specifics of Baby Chaney #3.
“Ok Wordslinger, so what’s in it for us? What does the winner get?”
Wow. So the excitement and joy of a new baby being brought into the world isn’t enough for you loyal reader? You need a prize at the end?
“Good try Wordslinger, but the guilt train doesn’t stop here. What do we get?”
Very well. For those blogger buddies out there; if you happen to claim victory in this Royal Rumble style, knock-down drag-out battle, you will be rewarded with a ride on my popularity wave. That’s right, I’ll give you a shout out here on the blog and send hordes of rabid readers in your direction. And for those non-blogger buddies…how about a big ‘ol hug and first crack at a diaper change?
“Whoa, whoa, whoa…wait just a…”
Great! Glad you’re on board. So there you have it, the details on little Ampersand’s guessing game (If you haven’t read this, you probably didn’t get that joke). Now back to the reason we’re here today; the release of The Toddler Tapes: Part II. Without further ado, here it is.
Me: So guys, do you know that the baby in Mommy’s belly is getting bigger?
Izzy: Big like me or big like Jake?
Me: Well, not as big as either of you yet. It’s still a tiny little baby, like even smaller than one of your milk cups.
Izzy: Can I have some milk?
Me: No more milk guys, you’ve had enough tonight. It’s almost bed time…I was just saying that…”
Izzy: It’s not bed time, it’s milk time!
Jake: More MILK!!
Me: OK, ok…I’ll get you more milk. Ugh.
(2 cups of milk later…)
Me: So Iz, will you be a good big sister to the baby?
Izzy: I’m a good big sister to Jake.
Me: (under my breath) Well that’s debatable.
Izzy: What Daddy?
Me: Uh, nothing Iz. So will you play with the baby once it’s big enough?
Izzy: Yeah, we go to the playground with Mommy to play.
Me: Well that sounds like a lot of fun.
Izzy: Yeah, but we have to ask Mommy if we can go back to the playground.
Me: Well, you can ask me you know. You don’t have to ask Mommy.
Izzy: But we have to ask a grown up if we can go to the playground.
Me: That’s true Iz, but I’m a grown up too so you can ask me.
Izzy: (Pauses briefly, brings her hand to her chin as if contemplating deep thoughts) Umm…we better ask Mommy.
Jake: Mommy grown up!
Me: Ouch, that hurts guys.
Izzy: Are you ok Daddy? Need a boo-boo band-aid?
Me: Thanks Iz but I’m ok. So when the baby comes, will you and Jake be ok sharing a room together?
Izzy: Yeah! We’ll have so much fun. We can play and sing songs for our shows.
Me: Wow, that sounds great. What kind of shows will you and Jake put on?
Izzy: Princess shows! I wear my Minnie dress and Jake can wear my purple dress.
Jake: Purple dress!
Me: How about Jake wears something else, like overalls or a super hero costume?
Jake: PURPLE DRESS! (Throws himself onto the floor in dramatic fashion)
Izzy: I think he wants to wear the purple dress Daddy.
Me: You’re killing me buddy, you’re really killing me.
Jake: You need a boo-boo band-aid?
Me: Ha! Well played little buddy, well played.
More of The Toddler Tapes will be shared as we get closer and closer to the birth of Baby#3. We’re still accepting suggestions for names, though “&” remains high on the list. Now hop over to the baby pool if you haven’t already and dip a toe into the guessing game.
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