I couldn’t be sure. I had hoped for the best, but wasn’t mentally prepared for what the worst could bring. The signs were all there; a working iPhone with a still functioning Fruit Ninja app, a living breathing non-zombie boss texting me to come back to work, a wife and kids banging on my shelter door demanding I come out and stop acting like an idiot. Still, I waited. Finally, after two weeks of eating Hormel chili straight from the can, I had created an atmosphere within that was becoming more toxic than anything awaiting me on the outside. So I opened the door.
Huh…would you look at that…no Mayan, Zombie, or Vampire Apocalypse. Crap, I hope it’s not too late to re-up my HBO subscription. Got a lot of catching up to do!
So from what I can tell, we all made it through the Mayan’s April Fools Day, as well as Christmas and New Years, so I suppose it’s time to fully embrace the fact that it really is 2013. Hey, this is a good thing! A new year means a new outlook on life, a chance to do what we swore we’d do this time last year, and of course, the opportunity to close the books on some of the most annoying things that defined 2012. So welcome to 2013; can we please leave these 2012 shenanigans at the door?
“That awkward moment when…”
It’s everywhere. Facebook, Twitter, Internet memes. For some reason, in 2012 people decided it would be a good idea to declare to the world whenever they had an awkward moment; probably in an attempt to feel less awkward about it. As with most things, this horribly annoying phrase only works well in moderation. And as with most things that only work well in moderation, this happened. And this. And don’t forget this.
The more the phrase spiraled out of control, the more diluted it became. People started running out of things to feel awkward about and as a result, we see posts like this: “That awkward moment when you’re the only passenger on a bus and the next guy on sits next to you.” Guess what? That’s not awkward, it’s just annoying as hell! Much like “that awkward moment when…”!
Perhaps the Mayans were right. This is literally destroying civilization as we know it.
Oh. Dear. God. It is bad enough that we #incessantly #overuse #hashtags all over the #twitterverse, but to use the word in a real life conversation, face-to-face with someone…that’s just hashtag freakin’ ridiculous! And if I see another person make a “#” symbol with their fingers one more time…so help me god I will punch them square in the #face!
When did four words that make up nothing more than a factual statement (You Only Live Once) become an excuse for acting like a jackass? Filming yourself jumping off the roof of a moving car onto a trampoline in the name of “Y.O.L.O.” is not only stupid, but more accurately, really stupid. It is, however, a good way to prove that you truly do “only live once”. I think in 2013, I’m going to work on forcing a new acronym on the world. Perhaps something like Y.A.P.A.S. (You Always Puke After Shots) or Y.O.M.M. (You Owe Me Money).
“Call Me Maybe” Covers
This one pains me to say, because just a few short months ago I posted a video in one of my posts with what I thought was a unique and creative use for this indescribably annoying song. Then, like a mutating virus, covers of Carly Rae Jepsen’s hit single spread across the inter-web, destroying everything in their path. Everyone from Cookie Monster to P.O.T.U.S is doing their best Another-Reason-To-Blame-Canada impression and frankly, it’s gotten out of hand.
Disagree? You’re entitled to your opinion, but I’m guessing you haven’t witnessed the glorious train wreck that is the following:
TV Shows that have jumped the shark
First, I must quickly mention that I generally hate when people use the term “Jump the Shark”. Mainly because I don’t think they know where it came from (The episode of Happy Days when the Fonz literally jumps over a shark while water skiing is generally recognized as the beginning of the series decline). That being said, doesn’t it seem like a lot of shows fell into that category in 2012?
Instead of producing new, unique, or at the very least entertaining programming, the networks apparently decided that rather than compete with cable, they’d just continue trotting out the same stuff that lost its shine several seasons ago. I’m looking at you The Office. I’m looking at you American Idol. C’mon guys, do you really expect to hold onto viewers by airing stuff like this every week?
Honey Boo Boo
This is why the rest of the world hates us…
And when exactly did “drunk party girl” become a genre of music? I suppose around the same time it became cool to use characters in your name that require holding down the shift button on your computer to type them. It’s not as if Ke$ha joined the scene in 2012, no we’ve been hearing her alchy tunes for quite some time now. I’m just hoping that in 2013 she moves away from singing and towards some of her other hobbies; which based on her music, would presumably be engaging in coitus (Bazinga!) and blacking out.
Taking pictures of yourself in the mirror
Good God people, you haven’t gotten over this yet? I’ve given the world some slack for a couple of years now, giving every new smart phone user the benefit of the doubt as they over-indulge in the benefits of a non-Zack-Morris cell phone. But enough is enough. The only acceptable reason for photographing yourself in the mirror would be to compare the size or shape of a mole that your doctor asked you to “keep and eye on”.
Inanimate Object Twitter Feeds
Oh Society, what have you gone and done now? Question: What is more ridiculous than setting up a twitter feed of an inanimate object? Answer: Following a twitter feed of an inanimate object. The following statements are true (I’m sorry to say):
- Angelina Jolie’s Leg has over 41,000 followers.
- The 91 Freeway in Southern California has 342 followers.
- Big Ben has over 371,000 followers (I’m talking about the clock tower, not the Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback)
That last one is especially disturbing due to the fact that the only tweets this handle produces are the chimes of the clock. Literally.Text Talk
OMG! IDK what to say about this. It just makes me SMH. ATW is using it, and it’s infiltrated daily face-to-face conversations now. IJS, IMO this text talk thing has gone too far. OTOH, some of the things people say to each other have me ROTFLMAO. So I guess it’s text talk FTW!
Bloggers who think they are funny but clearly are not…